...it's ma birfday...

It's my birthday WOOHOO! I love my birthday, always have, always will. Aging doesn't bother me - I am 49 this year- since I always feel young at heart (and brain lol) It's not the presents or the cake so much as the opportunity to celebrate life. My life. I like to take an assessment of where I am , where I've been and where i want to go. It's my New years eve - including the resolutions.  It's a day I get to hear from friends I don't see as much as I'd like and it's filled with love.

This year I am lucky enough to have my kid and her hubby here at my beach house for the whole weekend. Also mom and dad are down at their place too. Plus my birthday is on a Saturday which means... hello! I get a whole birthday weekend! 

I will admit that I do miss my annual party at the Blarney stone. I miss so many people that I love in one place at one time. BUT I am at the beach, we're doing a rib house - Bethanny Blues - for my b-day dinner and it's gorgeous outside!

It's been a tough year so far, and I see this next year filled with changes. 

My resolutions?

 ~I will be getting a job that allows me to make enough money that I can actually pay bills AND eat. With even some money left over to enjoy.

~I will be concentrating on getting healthy and bathing suit ready for next years big 50 trip to what's looking like Punt Cana. 

~I will start enjoying the blessing I have been given by living at the beach, instead of working until 8pm and getting home at 9pm every night.

~I will really take the time to stop and smell the ...ocean. And I will also take the time to quietly reflect on how absolutely fabulous my life truly is and will be in the coming year.

~I will work on being a better friend and reaching out to people more.

~I will finish up the "This is me Damn It book" and start the novel I have been researching. (It's about a woman who buys and renovates an Irish Bar w/ some love, friendship, murder and mayhem thrown into the mix...)

~I will seize the day; throw caution to the wind;embrace my inner child (she needs hugs lol) and give back as much as I can, to show my appreciation for all the good I have been blessed enough to receive.

                                                 

Bring it on, 49! 

Can I get an Amen?!? 

E.O.W. K-9 Officer Brad Fox - so much more

K-9 Officer Brad Fox from Plymouth Township, PA was shot and killed in the line of duty on Sept 13th, 2012. His K-9 partner Nick was also shot but after surgery and some excellent veterinarian care, he was able to make Brad's funeral. The waste of skin, Asshole that shot them, hid in tall grass above Brad and Nick and fired 4 bullets, aimed to kill. He then shot himself in the chest...2 times.

Nick

After Surgery...

Brad was a 2 tour Iraqi war veteran. A marine... ooorah!

He was a husband.  

He was a father to a beautiful baby girl, and another baby is on the way...

Brad's wife and daughter at the funeral.

Brad was a true American hero - on a traffic stop, then in pursuit of a hit and run suspect that blew thru the accident scene. The above mentioned asshole that ended up running, hiding and killing him.

I've done work, in the past, with the Philly Police Survivors Fund. This time tho, I knew the fallen...

Brad played hockey on a team called the Slugs with my good friend's husband. I've been to games. I've cheered Brad on. I've shared a beer (or 2... or more) with him afterwards (and sometimes before).

Slugs game at the Comcast Spectacor/Well Fargo Center on the Flyer's Ice- 2010

It's a loss that has affected so many people that I care about and it brings home the danger of being a cop. 

The link below is a list of all the different fundraisers that are planned for the next few months to help Brad's wife and kids. Please click on it and see if any of the benefits are in your area. 

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B0WXX2vnn11fSjZDM2lOVEZiY0k/edit

LIKE the RIP Officer Brad Fox facebook page http://www.facebook.com/RipOfficerBradFox?fref=ts

Thank a Cop every time you see one. Because they are running in when you are running away.

Brad and Nick...in court. LMAO

Brad's full honors procession to his grave site.

Congratulations #20

Brian (B-Dawk) Dawkins

BRIAN DAWKINS; Eagles Safety; # 20; B-Dawk; B-dog; my Libran twin...  retired this past April as a Proud Eagle and tonight they retired his number, "20", from the Eagle's Roster and will proudly display it at every game in the Lincoln Financial Field.

He played for the Eagles from '96 to 09 and just so happens to share a birthday with me. Only he is 10 years younger - October 13th , 1973.

So proud to have had his talent on our team! Happy Retirement indeed Brian!

Now win tonight for B-Dawk, Eagles - Kick some Giant Ass!!! 

The joys of living with PTSD...

 PTSD -  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- a disorder that people can develop after experiencing a traumatic event, such as emotional or physical abuse, the threat of death, seeing or experiencing any horrific accident, or even experiencing the death of a loved one.

So this should amuse some of you who know me too well... Been having a little problem with my driver side door when trying to open it from the inside. Just got back from Wawa and the door wouldn't open. No matter what I did. And of course I panicked, and started thinking I was stuck in the car forever.

 Started looking around the car in a panic, wondering who I could call - damn it don't have my cell phone. How long would it take for someone to find me, for someone to help - heart beating fast, breathing rate accelerated, full panic mode on the horizon. I see the bags from the store -  thank God I had cigs and food... Then I look at the passenger door, I look out the window, feeling like a sitting duck ...until I realized I could scoot across the seat and get out the passenger side. 

This, my friends, is the best example of living w/ PTSD i could ever give... and it all happened in a matter of 1 maybe 2 minutes tops!

It's been 10 & 1/2 years since the attack, then the stalking for a year after the attack and finally leaving ME behind and going "underground" for 4 more years. Hell even up to the last days I was in PA I was still turning a corner and seeing the man who tried to kill me... and not just in my imagination. I would see him at the gas station I went to, or the bar I drank at that he was allowed in for years. I never felt safe but my move changed that. Over 2 hours away, I don't hide anymore. I have bills in my name and a presence on the internet. I have my moments still (see above) But it is getting so much better.  

There is no true "gut instinct" when you have PTSD. I still have one - but i can't always trust it. You feel more like you exist in that "fight or flight" mode on a more constant basis than people who don't suffer from this silent brain screwer upper. 

I know myself well enough to know that something is bothering me for me to react the way that I did to a blocked door. Could be my job, money issues, or the fact that I haven't physically seen my kid since March. Could be a combination of all three and more. 

So I still may see the boogeyman in the shadows, and feel like a blocked door signals impending doom, but the fact that I am laughing about it means it's getting better LMAO. Thank God!

...and so I write

So I gave myself 20 minutes to fall asleep and obviously, that did not work out as I planned. I am breaking up with my Gallbladder tomorrow morning, the abusive bastard, 

and I am 

A) nervous?

B) Stressed? 

C) Afraid I will oversleep since i have to be up at 4am?  

D) All of the above!


If you chose D than ding ding ding YOU ARE A WINNER!!

tossin' turnin' and the tell all sign? My toes move...constantly. I don't even know I am doing it half the time. Ahhh we all have our little quirks now, don't we?  

Last time I had general anesthesia, back in 1992, I woke up on the table before they were done the surgery... well I think they were done the surgery, but I was still intubated and they were still standing at the table. UGH - I finally managed to move the hand that had the oxygen thing on it and hit somebody with it...longer story for another time (or i will freak myself out) - So obviously - since all my other surgeries have always been twi-lights I am the most nervous about the General A.

The procedure...the green monster is the Gallbladder

I've been on a no carb diet for the past 3 days so that my "liver is flexible"...Right? I know! That's what they said, I swear. Anyway, At this point, as I have said  for three days...

I would knock over a Nun for a piece of bread or some french fries

(my friend from work made this for me LMAO)

So i am hungry - but it could have been worse. Some docs want 3 day clear liquid diet before surgery... so I am lucky. Can't drink anything from 10pm last night thru surgery... and of course I am just dying of thirst... lol I mean I must be dehydrated right? Yeah, drama queen-ish - I got over it tho when I realized if I went to bed at 11 and slept til 8 I wouldn't be eating or drinking anything either... Kinda puts it in perspective. 

Pink 06/2012 in recovery after her Gallbladder removal

It can't be that bad right? I mean it's the USA's most common surgery. Look at Pink above, in recovery after her GB surgery, feeling no pain. PLUS my surgeon is hot!! He looks like Michael Rivkin from NCIS - remember him? Ziva's boyfriend that Tony killed?

Yep, my surgeon looks like this...

Mom and Pop's are here to take care of me and the dogs. (The kid doesn't get vacation and I didn't want her missing any pay) Then my bother,sister in law and niece will be at my mom and pop's place down the street and 2 of my favorite girls here at my place for the weekend. 

I'll be out of work for 15 days, with vicodin for the pain... (I could use the vicodin for the pain of work LOL)...I got this.

So I will keep myself busy, write a bit and play a game. Then before I know it off to the hospital I go. 

Still a little sleep would have been nice tonight...

...and so I write.

No complaining+10 days= a happier me

This is what I am doing starting today and for the next ten days...So click on the FB link and sign up to join me...your positive mind will thank you!

 http://www.facebook.com/events/277566172351408/

Live Complaint Free 10 day challenge

By Indigo Martini and Christine Baitson

Can you make it ten days without complaining and whining? Let's all give it our best effort and see what we can accomplish. It will be a wonderful exercise in gratitude. 


A few people have asked me to differentiate between observing negative phenomenon and complaining, or to distinguish between asking advise versus complaining. To this I will simply say that this event is a personal journey, so define it as you see fit for yourself.


Peace!

========================================

EDIT: 
As we go into our Complaint-Free Ten Day Challenge, try to recognise the thought patterns and activities that you are engaging in. If nothing else, this challenge will help you wake up to what you are actually like. In the end, this is as significant or pointless as you deem.


A few ideas:


Define your personal goal with this. Not to guilt-trip yourself later, but so you are clear about what you would like to accomplish in this exercise. There are no wrong answers here.


Have a coping strategy. You are still going to have times where you are stressed, frustrated, and overwhelmed. What are you going to do instead? Reframe? Pray or chant? Paint? Listen to music? Try to find something that will help you in the long run.


Try to be accepting of others. Their experience is not your own. Note it in your mind, if the issue is so persistent, and let it go.


Take it easy on yourself. As with a diet, messing up here and again is completely normal. Hop right back on, don’t write the entire day (or whole challenge) off just because you did a little backslide. We do not have to be the most rigid on this – we are the ones choosing how “deeply” to get involved.


Give yourself a time-out or break. Consider giving yourself a “Complaint Ticket” during this exercise. (This is a free pass to do five minutes of complaining. When you feel ready to complain, ask yourself if you want to use the ticket on this incident. Chances are, you’ll want to leave it for another time.) We are quitting this cold turkey, it won’t always be easy!


If you can’t make it through the entire experience, that is okay too. We are just trying something out. I know I am going to struggle with it at times. It is a million times better to try and fail than never even attempt it to begin with! There is no need to add guilt into the mix.


Feel free to share your experiences with the board throughout the journey. Good and bad, it will be interesting to know what others faced. I look forward to reading them!


I wish you a very peaceful and revealing time.


Fondly,
Indigo

I am anxious to see what my go to solution is when I want to complain. 


But I am ready to rock 'n roll with the positivity my peeps! Can I get a what what!???? 

Mother Nature's off her meds...

Hot enough for you??

Hmmm actually no, I love it when my knees sweat. WTF?? Who knew you had sweat glands on the front of your knees? Especially my knees after all the surgeries I've had. But... i digress.

Yes, once again, it appears that Mother Nature has gone off of her meds for the past 11 days, and it is  hell on earth temperature wise. While I may live at the beach, we were actually hotter than most - It hit 103 on Saturday. And for those who say it's not the heat, it's the humidity... yeah yeah yeah - it was and is humid too. 

Saturday 7/7/12 - 11:30 am

The thing about living in a resort town is, when it's hot EVERYONE is out and about. Up in PA where I used to live you wouldn't see anyone in this weather. Down here, everyone is heading to the beach. People are ugly too - heat makes 'em craaaazzzy! Driving like idiots and angry at the world.

BUT at least we have had electric this whole time... God bless air conditioning,right? But man those poor folks in Jersey and Virginia - how the hell do you live in a house without electric in this weather. Ugh - hopefully they are all up and running now.

Now that's hot!

I hate sweating... hate it. I am ready to cut my hair off in some cute short style because it's always up and out of my face. But i'm not a tiny girl so I am afraid I will look like a pea head on an apple body. We'll see. With my work schedule and lack of funds I haven't even hit the beach or pool recently either. I had a procedure done a few weeks ago that kept me out of the water for a while too (cardiac catheterization) which will be in another blog.

I love the water tho - back a few years ago when I was working out in the pool doing water aerobics and water jogging I was obsessed. I would go every day and ended up losing close to 30 pounds without breaking a sweat. See, if I don't have to sweat (in the pool you can always dunk your head) I actually enjoy exercising.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

So yes, it has been hot enough for me. I am looking forward to a high of 86 tomorrow (should i wear a jacket?) and spending some time outside in the fresh cooler air. And I dream about winter, when I can wear my sweaters and my flannel jammies and scarves. 

Of course I am so glad that the news is giving us that great advice they give every time it's hot too. I mean if they didn't tell me to "drink enough water" and "wear loose clothing" I would be running around in spandex, drinking hot chocolate. Oh and the "stay inside if possible" advice...I never knew!

Where ever you are, I hope you can stay cool enough to not sweat. 

Stay-Cation log Day 1 and 2

SO Friday and Saturday down and I present to you 

Stay-Cation Log 1 & 2 5/25-26...

Friday - I have discovered that i still know how to be lazy. That was the choice for the day. Woke up on the couch thinking went back to bed and slept until 10:30. Spent some time outside with the dogs, sunning myself and letting them lay in the shade. Jack has taken his digging skills to the back of the trailer and crated himself a cool dirt bed. Now I feel like I have to plant flowers there, since he went to the trouble of digging it out. I am planning on setting him loose on my front garden. Digging it up will earn him his kibbles (an bits).

Finished one book - 

and started another - 

LOVE LOVE LOVING them both... makes me want to go to the real Inn Boonsboro and stay there. I think I would choose the Wesley and Buttercup room. 

Or the Nick and Nora room - as in The Thin Man - 

To be able to read about the Inn being built and then see it in real life is way too cool. But there's also the love story the laughs and the mystery. Excellent books!

 Pictures from http://www.innboonsboro.com/index.php

SATURDAY - Anyway - went to bed around 4am and woke up around noonish... UGH hate wasting a day sleeping. BUT today I managed to fix the vacuum and clean the kitchen so I am on top of things. Watched some NCIS, sat outside with the dogs, Watched Kyle Kendrick pitch a fantastic game and the Phillies won and now heading to bed so I can be up early to plant the flowers.

I must admit - I am feeling a bit lonely. If i had friends down here visiting I would be partying and heading to the beach - sometimes being alone can be a bitch. BUT I am alone at the beach so it evens out. Tomorrow ...on to day 3. 

Stay-cation Log- Day .5

Today starts day one of my 6 day stay-cation. Friday thru next Wednesday I am off from the torture palace(& i only had to use 2 vacation days - ummm I rock)and I am staying here at my happy little beach house for the whole time. Why go away when I live in paradise...well paradise in my mind, the beach in others minds. Plus the kids dog sitting in PA so i can't go home and visit when I have my two beasts anyway.


I have plans people... BIG plans. So many plans I am not sure there are enough days in my stay-cation to accomplish them all, but I will try.


I have beers and margaritas to drink, walls to paint, plants to ... well... plant. I have beaches to lay on and books to read and work for a friend i have to finish. Tv to watch and a pool to hang out in. Seafood to eat, a BBQ I have to master and a drive thru at the new Panera Bread I must use immediately. 


As far as I am concerned, my vacation stated at 8:01 pm last night, when I left the Torture Palace I call work. We'll call Thursday night stay-cation day .5.

STAY-CATION LOG STAR DATE 5-24  DAY .5 - 

Objective - 

PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR

With a 12 pack of Corona light, 3 limes, some kick ass 1800 margarita in a bottle, and pineapple juice to mix with my cake vodka, I have effectively managed to channel Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville up in here. I start with a margarita on ice realizing too late that full size corona bottles do not work for Corona-rita's.


Crisis averted, or at least cleaned up, I proceed to the lounge (aka my living room couch) and settle in for some TBS Big Bang Theory  and some new show. I switch to Corona Lights and make it half way thru Jimmy Fallon ... I remember seeing Will Smith at least... and the next thing I know, I wake up on the couch at 6:20am.


I have the sensation of "crap - gotta get up for the torture palace " and than remember AHHHHHHHHHH I am on stay-cation. So I walk the dogs, manage not to fall, and get in bed to sleep the sleep of the wicked until 10:30 am. So far Life is most excellent.


NOTE TO SELF: After consuming 1 Margarita and 2 Corona Lights before passing out on the couch, I must Google the phrase "Party Like a Rock Star" and see if I qualified.