When we were in love...

So I was laying in bed last night, thinking about all the times I had "fallen" in love. All different, but somewhat the same. There would be a lot of ones I thought I loved, but looking back I can see I really didn't. Then there were those ones, that to this day I still remember things about, details of them... The ones who permanently left a mark, on my heart. Beat up old bitch that it is...

I first new I was straight when I was about 3 & 1/2. I was in loooove with Charlie Kramer. Our next door neighbor! My parents will still tell you, gleefully, if you ask them, about me in diapers on the front porch yelling CHAHHHHHHLIIIIIIII when poor Charlie was trying to be cool and hang out with his teenage friends. Then there was the time that Charlie came back from somewhere that made him wear a uniform.  I remember sitting on the floor listening to him talk and my mom teasing me about a wet spot from my spilled drink. Asking if I wet my pants. I was mortified. Charlie wouldn't love me if I wet my pants. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!" LOL That's when I first cared about what a boy thought of me.

Then it would be Brian Willis, in kindergarten.  I knew I loved him and I asked him to dance with me in the classroom. he said no. So I ran him over with a big wheel at recess.

See, at that time, when I knew I loved him, when I knew I was straight, Brian knew he loved Robby Reeves. And Brian knew he was gay. It was the FIRST time I fell in love with a gay man, but it definitely wouldn't be the last time. Of course I wouldn't find this out (the gay part)until 9 years later, best friends, hanging out all the time, Brian got me HAMMERED on a bottle and a 1/2 of Heineken. Or maybe it was Moulson. I know it was an import and I was hammered. Brian came out to me and told me he was gay. I remember thinking - "well duh!" but also saying "No, I don't want you to be gay." not because I wasn't supportive, but because I knew he was going to get so much grief at school and in life. I've always regretted that sentence and I don't know if I ever explained to him why I said it. Oh, but he was a sassy, classy bitch.

In between me running Brian over with my big-wheel and Brian coming out to me, there was a new man... well, we were 7 years old so I will say boy, in my life. But damn, did I love that boy. I think I was still a little in love with him even when I got married. And we would go out, off and on, all thru high school. Every one I dated in high school I compared to him. Most others came up short... And then I got married. To Kelly's Dad.

I was 18. A month from my 19th birthday, a year of college under my belt (WOOHOO -   West Chester State.) And I got married. I met him in April of '82 and we were married in September of '82. AND I WASN'T EVEN PREGNANT!  LOL Seriously, what the hell was I thinking.  Tho I did love him, and would still get butterflies when he came home from work and walked into the house. Even after 15 years. But alas, we divorced, amicably. Married thru my 20's, divorced by 33,  I had a lot of living to make up for, with a 9 year old daughter along for the ride? hahahahahaha sure...that'll work. 

and this is to be continued...

I. HAVE. THE. PLAGUE. and other news

Oh sweet Jeebus I have the friggin *plague! 

I should have known I was going to get it. I went back up to PA for my daughter's best friends wedding and my daughter had just come down with this plague/cold/flu/chest congestion thing. I was staying with her and her husband so BAM I woke up on Saturday with it. And cancelled plans and headed home. I did not want to drive in full blown plague mode and I wanted my own bed. 

So here I am in my beach casa, back early and sick... as a dog. Did I tell you I have the plague?? Ok then...

I got to stay for the wedding on Friday tho. It was so beautiful! It was like having my 2nd kid get married since the bride and my kid have been friends since middle school. 

Very gardeny and earthy. Just perfect. There she is... The beautiful bride walking down the aisle with her dad.

Happy Labor day to those in the USA & Canada. A day we honor labor. We honor the working folks... ironically enough, of which I do not belong. Yep, still looking for a job. but I know it's out there,just waiting for me. I have faith that all will work out.

And now, since I haven't mentioned it in the last 3 minutes, I have the PLAGUE!! And the damn dogs still feel the need to be walked every 2 hours. So I have to drag my poor, old, tired, sore, plague riddled, body outside in the -hot as a steam room- weather and let them do dog things. 

Ugh... whatever.

*  any and all references to the plague are meant to be humorous and not true life. Yes I know I am a big baby and yes I know it's not nice to say i have the PLAGUE when someone else could really have, said plague.That is all.

and she's 27

Hug your kids my friends and appreciate them every day because it will fly by right in front of your eyes!

2009

WOW! So my daughter turns 27 years old in a few minutes - June 14th. I can't believe she is that old! It really is true that you see your children, as children, no matter how old they are. Which makes me turning 50 in October mean a little less... since my parents probably still think of me as 16. Right? Yeah, thought I would try and make that fly...anyway...

I remember it like it was yesterday. She was my First baby, first grandchild, I had been married for 3 years, and at the age of 22, heading to the hospital to give birth. And then laying in a hospital bed FOREVER but with no contractions, watching Miami Vice that Friday night. Her father (my now ex-husband) saying, I hope she is born in time for Saturday cartoons. LOL  And she was...7:31 am that Saturday morning - labor had finally kicked in around 3am. 

I remember the Doctor telling my husband to take pictures, and my husband turning a lovely shade of green.  I remember my brother calling right after and asking me when the next one was coming... and I said - forget it I will adopt. But like all mom's, we forget the pain (otherwise we wouldn't do it again) and while I did not have the luck to have another baby by the time I would be diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 29, I never cared. I had my perfect baby.

here's my little mini-me - she's in color, I am in black and white

From the moment she was born, my heart was walking around outside of my body, and it's name is Kelly. Every decision, every job, every move, even the divorce... all done with her needs coming first. As I felt it should have. Truly, the only thing I have ever done where I didn't take her into consideration first, was my move to the beach. But she was 25 and it was time.

with Pop-Pop, making her laugh as always

December 1986 - first Christmas morning

My God I was young. But I was a good mom. I say that looking back and knowing it to be true. I made mistakes, and don't we all, but she turned out better then I could have ever imagined. She's caring, loving, respectful, intuitive, not a prejudice bone in her body AND she thinks I'm pretty cool too. 

Junior Prom

Senior Prom

The blond in both the prom pictures is my second kid, Colleen, Kelly's best friend. I have a third one named Crystal, her other best friend. Here they all are a few years ago...

my beautiful girls

And know my baby is married, and Colleen's bridal shower is this weekend.  My girls are all grown up. BUT I will still be getting silly with them Saturday night, as I head home to spend the weekend with them all. Pickleback shots all around. 

2012 Mr. & Mrs.

So my baby's going to be 27 and I am counting the minutes until I get to spend time with her and wish her a Happy Birthday in person.  Until then tho, Happy Birthday, my Kelly Lynn.  I love you more than life itself, and know that I am blessed every day because you are mine.  xoxoxoxo 

And that, Kelly- my love, in the immortal words of Marky-Mark (and quite possibly the Funky Bunch) is the "word to ya mutha"  or actually, the "word from your mutha".  

PS: I'm baaaaaaaaack. Did ya miss me?

...it's ma birfday...

It's my birthday WOOHOO! I love my birthday, always have, always will. Aging doesn't bother me - I am 49 this year- since I always feel young at heart (and brain lol) It's not the presents or the cake so much as the opportunity to celebrate life. My life. I like to take an assessment of where I am , where I've been and where i want to go. It's my New years eve - including the resolutions.  It's a day I get to hear from friends I don't see as much as I'd like and it's filled with love.

This year I am lucky enough to have my kid and her hubby here at my beach house for the whole weekend. Also mom and dad are down at their place too. Plus my birthday is on a Saturday which means... hello! I get a whole birthday weekend! 

I will admit that I do miss my annual party at the Blarney stone. I miss so many people that I love in one place at one time. BUT I am at the beach, we're doing a rib house - Bethanny Blues - for my b-day dinner and it's gorgeous outside!

It's been a tough year so far, and I see this next year filled with changes. 

My resolutions?

 ~I will be getting a job that allows me to make enough money that I can actually pay bills AND eat. With even some money left over to enjoy.

~I will be concentrating on getting healthy and bathing suit ready for next years big 50 trip to what's looking like Punt Cana. 

~I will start enjoying the blessing I have been given by living at the beach, instead of working until 8pm and getting home at 9pm every night.

~I will really take the time to stop and smell the ...ocean. And I will also take the time to quietly reflect on how absolutely fabulous my life truly is and will be in the coming year.

~I will work on being a better friend and reaching out to people more.

~I will finish up the "This is me Damn It book" and start the novel I have been researching. (It's about a woman who buys and renovates an Irish Bar w/ some love, friendship, murder and mayhem thrown into the mix...)

~I will seize the day; throw caution to the wind;embrace my inner child (she needs hugs lol) and give back as much as I can, to show my appreciation for all the good I have been blessed enough to receive.

                                                 

Bring it on, 49! 

Can I get an Amen?!? 

Positive Sunday Thoughts & some new quotes

Time for some Sunday night positive thoughts...and some new quotes from me.

"If you have to listen to those nasty voices in your head then do so only long enough to tell them to Shut Up, sit down and meet their replacements... the positive voices that will kick their butts!" ~Stacey

"Sometimes, when you think everything can go wrong, it does. Instead try thinking that everything will go right and allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised by the power of positivity." ~Stacey

Every woman and girl should say this to themselves every day!

LOL my friends know this is so true about me...

Stay positive... Stay Happy!! It really is that simple. ~Stacey

a new addition to the family...Meet Chewy

CHEWY

I have to believe it was fate... I was in West Chester, after being evacuated because of  that wench IRENE when he came into my life. No one loved him and he was headed to the SPCA. I was sewing at Ruberti's when I overheard a conversation about him and when I found out he was a Pomeranian who was housebroken, I said bring him here first. Poor thing didn't even have a collar or a leash!


Some of you might know or remember that I had a Pomeranian named Keesha for 5 years before she passed of old age(she was 13 and I had adopted her from my bestie Bob) and she was awesome! I had been thinking about getting Jack a friend since he had no kitties to chase around down here at the beach. Also, I can have 2 dogs now that I own my own place and don't have to worry about apartment living with 2.

he looks like a little fox doesn't he?

It was a tricky situation that I was worried about because of Jack. Jackie's not your usual type of dog and I didn't know what I would do if they didn't get along. Luckily, I didn't have to worry about that. Everyone fell in love with Chewy right away... including Jack.

hugs and kisses

Chewy is full of life, energy and love and he makes Jack so happy. Jack acts like a puppy with him and they play for hours. It's like having WWF and a circus(w/out clowns thank you) in my living room every day.

How someone could not love this dog is mind boggling to me. Chewy fell in love with me by the first night( and I fell in love with him too) and has been a "mama leech" ever since. They both sleep on the bed with me - God Bless the Queen size bed- and take long walks with me. When I get a shower, he lays on the bathroom carpet waiting for me to get done.

I can't wait to take him to the beach next month - an outing Jackie won't be part of since he hates the sand. If Chewy is anything like Keesha was, I will have to keep him on the leash to make sure he stays out of the ocean. So now I have two babies to spoil and twice the love and protection and barking.

"sharing" their new dollar store blanket

...all is well in my happy little house by the sea.

Day 12 of 30 day BC - Something I Love

Day 12 - Post a picture of something you love.


Let me point out it states "something" not someone... so that said here's my picture...

My Books

Yes we have talked about my love for my Kindle. And it's true, but my true love is actual books. Me walking into a discount bookstore with some money in my pocket is like a kid in a candy store. I go thru phases with what kind of books I like, but I try to read a bit of everything. 

I love having a pile of books just waiting for me to get to, biography, true crime, historical, fiction, mystery, chick lit. Right now I am reading...

It's a contemporary mystery/romance/vampire/chick lit. Funny, creepy and fun. A newer author who self publishes (YAY HER!) and she's got a great voice.

Waiting on my shelf for me to read is this one...

Bob Newhart's autobiography. I just love him, always have and I can't wait to see how his dry humor translates into book form.

One of my all time favorite books that I have actually read 3 times and am ready to read again is...

Crusie is one of those authors I try to read all the time. I actually just bought a four pack of her older books that I hadn't read yet, for my kindle. This book... if you haven't read it, please do. You are in the book, laughing, eating, drinking, loving, right along with each one of her characters.

A book I couldn't wait to read that I think I devoured in 2 days once I got it was ...

A true story about the infamous Vidocq Society - from Wikipedia -The Vidocq Society is a members-only crime-solving club that meets on the third Thursday of every month in Philadelphia,Pennsylvania.

The Vidocq Society is named for Eugène François Vidocq, the ground-breaking nineteenth century French detective who helped police by using the psychology of the criminal to solve "cold case" homicides. Vidocq was a former criminal himself, and used his knowledge of the criminal mind to look at murder from the psychological perspective of the perpetrator. At meetings, Vidocq Society Members (VSMs) listen to local law enforcement officials from around the world who bring in cold cases for review.

VSMs are forensic professionals; current and former FBI profilers, homicide investigators, scientists, psychologists, prosecutors and coroners who use their experience to provide justice for investigations that have gone cold. Members are selected by committee invitation only, pay a $100 annual fee, and commit to attend at least one meeting per year.

If you are a true crime buff, like CSI or Court TV shows (TRUTV now) this book will be something you will love. For me, who in a different life would be a forensic psychologist, it was like a bible of sorts. Amazing!

A book i wait for every year is Janet Evanovich's next installment of her Stephanie Plum Series. Next up is Number 17...

And yes, I have read all 16 that came before this one. And i will be first in line when book one becomes the movie and is released on July 8th this year. Do you read Janet? I wasn't thrilled with who they picked for all the cast but am now on board... 

here's Connie, Stephanie and Lulu

And one of my favorite actors - Jason O'Mara is playing Joe Morelli -

Yummy!!

And what would a summer vacation at the beach be without a James Patterson book to read...

So welcome to my world of books. My true loves...

Day 9 of the 30 day BC - the person who's gotten me thru the most

Day 9 - Post a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.


Ahhhh friends. where would we be without them. i have been blessed, in my life, to have some really fantastic friends. Old and new friends that I know would always have my back if I needed them. So this one was a good one for me. I think the person who has gotten me thru the most stuff that's happened to me has been my friend Bob Lacy! Or as my mom would say  "Oh that Bob, I just love him!!"

 My boo, Bob

I still remember the day we met... another blarney chance meeting. It was friend love at first sight. He is the person that brought Kent into my life. He's the one who introduced to to the boy I was in love with for 6 years - the same boy I loved who took me to New York. It was Bob's birthday party back in 2002 where that boy and I met. He also brought another love into my life

Keesha

Our dog Keesha. She was Bob's baby first, and then I adopted her when his dad became ill. The little princess who was our baby! RIP sweet Kiki.

This is the man that still and will always bare the scar from the night of my attack. When his hand got slammed in the door as my attacker was trying to break back in to get me. If it wasn't for Bob I might not have made it thru that night... I know that in my heart and soul. And then days later, when I was broken and on the floor crying, at my lowest, it was Bob who came over to my house and kicked me in the ass to get me up. It was Bob who went to court with me and held my hand thru it all- Helped me thru a years worth of stalking and when I had to disappear.

And that's just one of the times - he's been there for me thru break ups and heartbreaks. Thru job layoffs and family emergencies, and loss. Just as I have been there for him. And we have been there for each other to celebrate all the good things in our lives as well. 

My friend, my brother, my soulmate, my bestie, my boo...My Bob! I love you!!!

I am a walking contradiction...

I have forced myself to contradict myself in order to avoid conforming to my own taste.~ Marcel Duchamp

A dictionary defines Contradiction as -opposition between two conflicting forces or ideas. I have to say that in many instances in my life that is totally me. A walking, talking contradiction.


I was lying in bed one night trying, as usual, to quiet my mind and fall asleep when this blog topic took hold. That is, a lot of times, when I get my best ideas. I have been known to sit up and start writing when this happens. Which can cause a lot of sleepy days. But hey, it's what I want to do, write, so I have to take the ideas when I get them.


While thinking thru my life, and this blog topic, I realized how very back and forth and contradictory, I can be.

~ I love sports and at times eat and breathe them. especially baseball & football. I plan nothing during certain football Sundays and won't go to showers or b-day parties planned during football. I often think who the hell plans a get together during a football game. And i laugh at the outdated(in my mind) notion of the football widow, wasting her time on a sunday diddling around the house because her husband is all about the game. I'm the one that would be on the couch beside my guy saying hey get me a beer while you're up.

    Contradiction?I am a girly girl. I love to dress up and wear makeup and surround myself with pretty things. I love getting my nails done. I'm all about girls nights and dinner parties and candles and wine w/ candlelight. Open my door for me, hold out my chair, help me on with my jacket and you will impress me.Just as I will show off the twins, flirt with a guy shamelessly and laugh at all his dumb jokes.

~I need and crave neatness around me and feel that everything should be clean and in it's place. It gives me a sense of inner calm and peacefulness.

  Contradiction? My house can be an absolute shitstorm sometimes. Stuff all over, things need to be dusted etc. I hate picking up after anyone else so I don't, which then compounds the problem and makes the place messier. Believe me, when you live in a two bedroom apartment with another adult(the kid is 24 after all) a dog and two cats, it doesn't take long for the place to get messy.


~I love to entertain. I love having people over, getting ready for it is so fun with the food and the cleaning. I like to think I am a good hostess and most people will tell you I throw a mean dinner party or party in general. 

  Contradiction? I despise it when people pop over or stop by unannounced. When someone knocks on my door, i won't even open it. I like my privacy and my house is my haven. I need my alone time and don't feel like dealing with entertaining someone who isn't a planned guest.My own parents don't even stop by without calling.


~I am the ultimate wingman. I pride myself on my wingman capabilities and have been successful at if for years. If the guy or girl I am hanging out with wants to meet someone, find something out about someone, or even get rid of someone annoying them, they know I am the wingman that gets it done. I have at different times played the part of the ex girlfriend, lesbian lover,(which by the can backfire depending on the guy you are trying to get rid of LOL) cousin or sister that gets the job done.

  Contradiction? I friggin hate ALWAYS being the wingman. It's like always being the bridesmaid and never the bride. My friends are never my wingman and it gets to be annoying as hell after a while. Hey, how about we just sit here and drink beer and talk... why do I have to be the one doing all the work for someone else to get laid or a phone number? Where's my pay off in this? Do you know how many times I've met someone interesting only to find out they are interested in one of my friends and they want me to work it for them? How about talking to me about ME for once... instead of telling me about you and asking me about the guy or girl I am with that you are interested in.


~I love to be busy. I love having a list of things to do or work piled on my desk. I enjoy starting at the top and working my way thru the pile. The sense of accomplishment is awesome.

   Contradiction? I am lazy as shit and unmotivated in so many ways. I can spend a day fooling around on my computer, writing or surfing and then at 6pm wonder where the day went. I will think about the things I need to get done with hate and say I am the boss and screw it if I don't want to do them.


~I love getting a good haircut. Getting my hair blown out and straightened or curled. having it look perfect every time it's done. If it's a bad hair day I feel like crap

    Contradiction? I hate, HATE anyone touching my hair. Always have, and probably always will. Don't play with my hair or brush it for me... don't even touch it. (well unless your a boy who happens to be pulling it, but that's a whole other blog topic LOL). I go to a girl at Haircuttery in West Goshen who is fantastic at what she does, but it takes me months to get up the oomph to go see her.


~I hate confrontation. I don't like arguments or drama or all the negativity that come with them. I am a libra thru and thru who craves peace and harmony. I should have "Can't we all just get along" tattooed on my forehead.

  Contradiction? Fuck with me, or my kid, my family or friends and to quote Snooki -" I will come at you like a squirrel monkey" LOL oh God she's a piece of work...sorry. As I was saying, I am a slow burner. I don't have the quick Irish temper like so many of my people do. Well at least with anyone who isn't my kid... And when you push me too far, I will unleash the hounds of hell and open up a can of whoop ass on you. Not physically, but I can cut with words like a ginsu infomercial. And the quieter I speak, the more trouble you are in.


~I love love. Plain and simple.I am happy being single but a different happier person when I am in love. The butterflies, the great sex, the dates & late night phone calls or texts. Sharing myself with another person, good and bad, and trusting that person is such an amazing feeling.

   Contradiction? I suck at picking men to fall in love with. Most of the time they are unavailable, either emotionally or legally. I fall quicker then they do and end up hurt while they walk away unscathed forgetting I exist in a matter of days. The real kicker? I don't think, in my 47 years, that I have ever been in a relationship where I am loved as much as I love the person I am with.


Sooooo guess you found out a little bit more about me with this one. These are only a few of the life contradictions I see in myself. 

The ying & the yang of Stacey!