Taking a break from sewing before I head back to the trenches. While I was sewing last night and today I had all these random thoughts popping in to my brain and decided to write a blog about them. Those who know me intimately will not be surprised by that... my nickname in high school was Spacey after all. Not because I was stupid, but because my brain worked faster then my mouth and I would be 3 steps ahead of myself and expect others to know what I was talking about. Ehhh it's not easy to explain but suffice it to say I have a very active mind. It has a tendency, even without sleep, to go over the speed limit ...so to speak.
So try and keep up...
~Mornings at the beach are awesome. Much better then mornings in West Chester, in a shared apartment. I worked thru the night (sewing numbers again)and ran out to Wawa around 5:30am with the dog to stretch my legs and get some food. Nothing beats a beach sunrise and the call of the seagulls. Makes even 5:30 am seem wonderful. Quiet, no traffic,overcast... peace & tranquility. I didn't realize that I needed that in my life as much as I do.
~I apparently am a morning person now. Based on the above and the fact that I can count on 1 hand the times I have slept past 7:30am. Unfortunately I am also a night owl. I have yet to give up my Jimmy Fallon/Craig Ferguson love and find myself on the short end of sleep every day. But there is something really cool about going to bed and having your last thought be "I can't wait to get up in the morning."
~Early early this morning - like probably 4am, was the first time I have ever been scared since I moved down here. Again, if you know me well, you will know that me, not being scared in the wee hours of the night/morning is a rare thing. Even tho I lived in a safe area and had the dog... even tho I take meds for the PTSD and intellectually realized my attacker probably wasn't going to come back after me, I was still always afraid. I haven't felt that here. Until last night - and I think it was because of being tired, the thunderstorm that took out the lights and the dog being a freak. Add to that me sitting at the machine with my back to the door - radio on, machine loud and thinking i was hearing noises and I guess it was to be expected. What the years and a lot of research on PTSD have taught me is that this is an excellent sign... and that I need to move that friggin hulk of a sewing machine so I can see out the door of my room. Problem solved. fear gone. PTSD being conquered! HUGE steps forward.
~I have absolutely no desire to drive back to West Chester in the near future. I actually feel guilty writing that... but it's the truth. I will be missing a few parties because of that but it's the way I feel. Don't get me wrong... I miss my family, my friends, my blarney stone, my wings LOL but not enough to leave my perfect little happy home. Plus i really think it would screw up the dog. he needs to be here for a good solid few months to realize that every day when I get up we aren't driving 2 hours to PA. And that every time I leave the house and him, I will always come back to him. He needs to realize that this is home. Hmmm maybe I do too.
Ok this is going longer than I thought it would and I have to eat something and get back to sewing so I will keep the next few short and sweet...
~When they say Lower Slower Delaware they mean it... Time, down here, to the locals anyway, is very flexible. If they say they will be there at 10am expect them any time between 10:10 and 11... it's just the way it is.
~ I have a phone interview tomorrow for a job I really want... and I am nervous as hell but at the same time staying positive and trying the "Secret " approach of visualizing that I already have it. Calms me down and make me feel more confident.
~Before I moved I finally had cell service in Goshen Valley. It was wonderful... Now, ironically,I am cell challenged again in my metal roofed house. arrrggghhh Is this what Alanis Morrisette was talking about.
~In the past week I have been blessed and lucky enough to see most of my family, my friend's Tami, Lori and Vern and can say my homesickness has been cut off at the pass. I love having visitors and I love living alone... Best of both worlds!
~I am 47 yrs old and I miss my mom. A lot! Miss my dad too but I see him more often. Just found out they are coming down this weekend and I am so excited I am counting the hours.
~ I want and will be getting eventually, a grown up tricycle. Go ahead and laugh, but it's much harder to fall off one of these and I am not the most graceful girl on the planet
~ and last but not least... I am running on 3 hours sleep and have to do it all again tonight and tomorrow. Not bitching but may be spending all day Sunday in bed or on couch. I think I need it.
