Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Lessons Learned or Thank you John!

Soooo getting over the one I let go of... the struggle to move forward... almost won but filled with what if's and whys that will never be answered because we no longer speak. The ability to see things with a clearer eye and a harder heart.

It can be disconcerting to look back on the past year of my life and realize i was wrong about so many things. But at the same time use those lesson to move forward, ever wiser, vowing to never make the same mistakes again.As i move forward, ready to step over the final hurdle in the world of bruised and battered hearts, I find myself wishing i could thank him for all the lessons he taught me. The good and the bad...and so i blog it.

Knowing he'll never read it but that's ok - because some will and they will make the connection. And others will see themselves in my words and perhaps it will give them solace. But most importantly, by saying it, it makes it real, and i lay the bricks i will walk on that take me to that ever shrinking final hurdle of getting over him. I see the light on the other side and it's lovely & freeing and healthier then anything I've seen in years.

So... thank you John!
"~ Thank you for teaching me how to trust again, with my whole being, Thank you for giving me back the ability to open those doors I hadn't even known I closed. For helping me close a long useless chapter in my life and move forward.

~For showing me that friends, no matter how close, can still lie to you and stab you in the back and yet be forgiven. Thank you for forcing me to realize that regardless of history and time and feeling, some people are disposable when they have served their purpose.

~Thank you for proving that my intuition was always right - that you would leave me and go back to her once she was thru with her years of distractions and she realized you were moving on - even tho you were days away from signing the final papers.

~Thank you for making me appreciate the fact that I was strong enough and brave enough to choose a life of happiness by going thru with my divorce, instead of choosing the easy way out and staying in a marriage where i was never loved the way i deserved to be.

~Thank you for taking what we had, and what we could have had and making it into something neither of us recognized or wanted in the end. Thank you for making me feel like less of a person the last time we were together, and lying to me about it to save yourself from... well, to save yourself from yourself. And making me realize that I deserved so much more.

~Thank you for using me, to pass the time, and live a different lifestyle, while you waited for your vanilla life to come back to you. That lesson taught me that no one is really ever who they proclaim to be.

~Thank you for not having the balls to end what we had but yet getting over it so quickly, when I ended it,that 2 weeks later you were back to playing happily married house.

~~And lastly, Thank You for making me realize that some people really don't change from when they were 15 yrs old, some men really do all their thinking with their dicks and that just because someone may feel like home...they really aren't. "

Go into the light Carol Ann, it's beautiful! Ahhhh yeah, I got this & I can finally say I am over it!