When we were in love...

So I was laying in bed last night, thinking about all the times I had "fallen" in love. All different, but somewhat the same. There would be a lot of ones I thought I loved, but looking back I can see I really didn't. Then there were those ones, that to this day I still remember things about, details of them... The ones who permanently left a mark, on my heart. Beat up old bitch that it is...

I first new I was straight when I was about 3 & 1/2. I was in loooove with Charlie Kramer. Our next door neighbor! My parents will still tell you, gleefully, if you ask them, about me in diapers on the front porch yelling CHAHHHHHHLIIIIIIII when poor Charlie was trying to be cool and hang out with his teenage friends. Then there was the time that Charlie came back from somewhere that made him wear a uniform.  I remember sitting on the floor listening to him talk and my mom teasing me about a wet spot from my spilled drink. Asking if I wet my pants. I was mortified. Charlie wouldn't love me if I wet my pants. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!" LOL That's when I first cared about what a boy thought of me.

Then it would be Brian Willis, in kindergarten.  I knew I loved him and I asked him to dance with me in the classroom. he said no. So I ran him over with a big wheel at recess.

See, at that time, when I knew I loved him, when I knew I was straight, Brian knew he loved Robby Reeves. And Brian knew he was gay. It was the FIRST time I fell in love with a gay man, but it definitely wouldn't be the last time. Of course I wouldn't find this out (the gay part)until 9 years later, best friends, hanging out all the time, Brian got me HAMMERED on a bottle and a 1/2 of Heineken. Or maybe it was Moulson. I know it was an import and I was hammered. Brian came out to me and told me he was gay. I remember thinking - "well duh!" but also saying "No, I don't want you to be gay." not because I wasn't supportive, but because I knew he was going to get so much grief at school and in life. I've always regretted that sentence and I don't know if I ever explained to him why I said it. Oh, but he was a sassy, classy bitch.

In between me running Brian over with my big-wheel and Brian coming out to me, there was a new man... well, we were 7 years old so I will say boy, in my life. But damn, did I love that boy. I think I was still a little in love with him even when I got married. And we would go out, off and on, all thru high school. Every one I dated in high school I compared to him. Most others came up short... And then I got married. To Kelly's Dad.

I was 18. A month from my 19th birthday, a year of college under my belt (WOOHOO -   West Chester State.) And I got married. I met him in April of '82 and we were married in September of '82. AND I WASN'T EVEN PREGNANT!  LOL Seriously, what the hell was I thinking.  Tho I did love him, and would still get butterflies when he came home from work and walked into the house. Even after 15 years. But alas, we divorced, amicably. Married thru my 20's, divorced by 33,  I had a lot of living to make up for, with a 9 year old daughter along for the ride? hahahahahaha sure...that'll work. 

and this is to be continued...