and she's 27

Hug your kids my friends and appreciate them every day because it will fly by right in front of your eyes!

2009

WOW! So my daughter turns 27 years old in a few minutes - June 14th. I can't believe she is that old! It really is true that you see your children, as children, no matter how old they are. Which makes me turning 50 in October mean a little less... since my parents probably still think of me as 16. Right? Yeah, thought I would try and make that fly...anyway...

I remember it like it was yesterday. She was my First baby, first grandchild, I had been married for 3 years, and at the age of 22, heading to the hospital to give birth. And then laying in a hospital bed FOREVER but with no contractions, watching Miami Vice that Friday night. Her father (my now ex-husband) saying, I hope she is born in time for Saturday cartoons. LOL  And she was...7:31 am that Saturday morning - labor had finally kicked in around 3am. 

I remember the Doctor telling my husband to take pictures, and my husband turning a lovely shade of green.  I remember my brother calling right after and asking me when the next one was coming... and I said - forget it I will adopt. But like all mom's, we forget the pain (otherwise we wouldn't do it again) and while I did not have the luck to have another baby by the time I would be diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 29, I never cared. I had my perfect baby.

here's my little mini-me - she's in color, I am in black and white

From the moment she was born, my heart was walking around outside of my body, and it's name is Kelly. Every decision, every job, every move, even the divorce... all done with her needs coming first. As I felt it should have. Truly, the only thing I have ever done where I didn't take her into consideration first, was my move to the beach. But she was 25 and it was time.

with Pop-Pop, making her laugh as always

December 1986 - first Christmas morning

My God I was young. But I was a good mom. I say that looking back and knowing it to be true. I made mistakes, and don't we all, but she turned out better then I could have ever imagined. She's caring, loving, respectful, intuitive, not a prejudice bone in her body AND she thinks I'm pretty cool too. 

Junior Prom

Senior Prom

The blond in both the prom pictures is my second kid, Colleen, Kelly's best friend. I have a third one named Crystal, her other best friend. Here they all are a few years ago...

my beautiful girls

And know my baby is married, and Colleen's bridal shower is this weekend.  My girls are all grown up. BUT I will still be getting silly with them Saturday night, as I head home to spend the weekend with them all. Pickleback shots all around. 

2012 Mr. & Mrs.

So my baby's going to be 27 and I am counting the minutes until I get to spend time with her and wish her a Happy Birthday in person.  Until then tho, Happy Birthday, my Kelly Lynn.  I love you more than life itself, and know that I am blessed every day because you are mine.  xoxoxoxo 

And that, Kelly- my love, in the immortal words of Marky-Mark (and quite possibly the Funky Bunch) is the "word to ya mutha"  or actually, the "word from your mutha".  

PS: I'm baaaaaaaaack. Did ya miss me?

...it's ma birfday...

It's my birthday WOOHOO! I love my birthday, always have, always will. Aging doesn't bother me - I am 49 this year- since I always feel young at heart (and brain lol) It's not the presents or the cake so much as the opportunity to celebrate life. My life. I like to take an assessment of where I am , where I've been and where i want to go. It's my New years eve - including the resolutions.  It's a day I get to hear from friends I don't see as much as I'd like and it's filled with love.

This year I am lucky enough to have my kid and her hubby here at my beach house for the whole weekend. Also mom and dad are down at their place too. Plus my birthday is on a Saturday which means... hello! I get a whole birthday weekend! 

I will admit that I do miss my annual party at the Blarney stone. I miss so many people that I love in one place at one time. BUT I am at the beach, we're doing a rib house - Bethanny Blues - for my b-day dinner and it's gorgeous outside!

It's been a tough year so far, and I see this next year filled with changes. 

My resolutions?

 ~I will be getting a job that allows me to make enough money that I can actually pay bills AND eat. With even some money left over to enjoy.

~I will be concentrating on getting healthy and bathing suit ready for next years big 50 trip to what's looking like Punt Cana. 

~I will start enjoying the blessing I have been given by living at the beach, instead of working until 8pm and getting home at 9pm every night.

~I will really take the time to stop and smell the ...ocean. And I will also take the time to quietly reflect on how absolutely fabulous my life truly is and will be in the coming year.

~I will work on being a better friend and reaching out to people more.

~I will finish up the "This is me Damn It book" and start the novel I have been researching. (It's about a woman who buys and renovates an Irish Bar w/ some love, friendship, murder and mayhem thrown into the mix...)

~I will seize the day; throw caution to the wind;embrace my inner child (she needs hugs lol) and give back as much as I can, to show my appreciation for all the good I have been blessed enough to receive.

                                                 

Bring it on, 49! 

Can I get an Amen?!? 

E.O.W. K-9 Officer Brad Fox - so much more

K-9 Officer Brad Fox from Plymouth Township, PA was shot and killed in the line of duty on Sept 13th, 2012. His K-9 partner Nick was also shot but after surgery and some excellent veterinarian care, he was able to make Brad's funeral. The waste of skin, Asshole that shot them, hid in tall grass above Brad and Nick and fired 4 bullets, aimed to kill. He then shot himself in the chest...2 times.

Nick

After Surgery...

Brad was a 2 tour Iraqi war veteran. A marine... ooorah!

He was a husband.  

He was a father to a beautiful baby girl, and another baby is on the way...

Brad's wife and daughter at the funeral.

Brad was a true American hero - on a traffic stop, then in pursuit of a hit and run suspect that blew thru the accident scene. The above mentioned asshole that ended up running, hiding and killing him.

I've done work, in the past, with the Philly Police Survivors Fund. This time tho, I knew the fallen...

Brad played hockey on a team called the Slugs with my good friend's husband. I've been to games. I've cheered Brad on. I've shared a beer (or 2... or more) with him afterwards (and sometimes before).

Slugs game at the Comcast Spectacor/Well Fargo Center on the Flyer's Ice- 2010

It's a loss that has affected so many people that I care about and it brings home the danger of being a cop. 

The link below is a list of all the different fundraisers that are planned for the next few months to help Brad's wife and kids. Please click on it and see if any of the benefits are in your area. 

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B0WXX2vnn11fSjZDM2lOVEZiY0k/edit

LIKE the RIP Officer Brad Fox facebook page http://www.facebook.com/RipOfficerBradFox?fref=ts

Thank a Cop every time you see one. Because they are running in when you are running away.

Brad and Nick...in court. LMAO

Brad's full honors procession to his grave site.

Congratulations #20

Brian (B-Dawk) Dawkins

BRIAN DAWKINS; Eagles Safety; # 20; B-Dawk; B-dog; my Libran twin...  retired this past April as a Proud Eagle and tonight they retired his number, "20", from the Eagle's Roster and will proudly display it at every game in the Lincoln Financial Field.

He played for the Eagles from '96 to 09 and just so happens to share a birthday with me. Only he is 10 years younger - October 13th , 1973.

So proud to have had his talent on our team! Happy Retirement indeed Brian!

Now win tonight for B-Dawk, Eagles - Kick some Giant Ass!!! 

The joys of living with PTSD...

 PTSD -  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- a disorder that people can develop after experiencing a traumatic event, such as emotional or physical abuse, the threat of death, seeing or experiencing any horrific accident, or even experiencing the death of a loved one.

So this should amuse some of you who know me too well... Been having a little problem with my driver side door when trying to open it from the inside. Just got back from Wawa and the door wouldn't open. No matter what I did. And of course I panicked, and started thinking I was stuck in the car forever.

 Started looking around the car in a panic, wondering who I could call - damn it don't have my cell phone. How long would it take for someone to find me, for someone to help - heart beating fast, breathing rate accelerated, full panic mode on the horizon. I see the bags from the store -  thank God I had cigs and food... Then I look at the passenger door, I look out the window, feeling like a sitting duck ...until I realized I could scoot across the seat and get out the passenger side. 

This, my friends, is the best example of living w/ PTSD i could ever give... and it all happened in a matter of 1 maybe 2 minutes tops!

It's been 10 & 1/2 years since the attack, then the stalking for a year after the attack and finally leaving ME behind and going "underground" for 4 more years. Hell even up to the last days I was in PA I was still turning a corner and seeing the man who tried to kill me... and not just in my imagination. I would see him at the gas station I went to, or the bar I drank at that he was allowed in for years. I never felt safe but my move changed that. Over 2 hours away, I don't hide anymore. I have bills in my name and a presence on the internet. I have my moments still (see above) But it is getting so much better.  

There is no true "gut instinct" when you have PTSD. I still have one - but i can't always trust it. You feel more like you exist in that "fight or flight" mode on a more constant basis than people who don't suffer from this silent brain screwer upper. 

I know myself well enough to know that something is bothering me for me to react the way that I did to a blocked door. Could be my job, money issues, or the fact that I haven't physically seen my kid since March. Could be a combination of all three and more. 

So I still may see the boogeyman in the shadows, and feel like a blocked door signals impending doom, but the fact that I am laughing about it means it's getting better LMAO. Thank God!

...and so I write

So I gave myself 20 minutes to fall asleep and obviously, that did not work out as I planned. I am breaking up with my Gallbladder tomorrow morning, the abusive bastard, 

and I am 

A) nervous?

B) Stressed? 

C) Afraid I will oversleep since i have to be up at 4am?  

D) All of the above!


If you chose D than ding ding ding YOU ARE A WINNER!!

tossin' turnin' and the tell all sign? My toes move...constantly. I don't even know I am doing it half the time. Ahhh we all have our little quirks now, don't we?  

Last time I had general anesthesia, back in 1992, I woke up on the table before they were done the surgery... well I think they were done the surgery, but I was still intubated and they were still standing at the table. UGH - I finally managed to move the hand that had the oxygen thing on it and hit somebody with it...longer story for another time (or i will freak myself out) - So obviously - since all my other surgeries have always been twi-lights I am the most nervous about the General A.

The procedure...the green monster is the Gallbladder

I've been on a no carb diet for the past 3 days so that my "liver is flexible"...Right? I know! That's what they said, I swear. Anyway, At this point, as I have said  for three days...

I would knock over a Nun for a piece of bread or some french fries

(my friend from work made this for me LMAO)

So i am hungry - but it could have been worse. Some docs want 3 day clear liquid diet before surgery... so I am lucky. Can't drink anything from 10pm last night thru surgery... and of course I am just dying of thirst... lol I mean I must be dehydrated right? Yeah, drama queen-ish - I got over it tho when I realized if I went to bed at 11 and slept til 8 I wouldn't be eating or drinking anything either... Kinda puts it in perspective. 

Pink 06/2012 in recovery after her Gallbladder removal

It can't be that bad right? I mean it's the USA's most common surgery. Look at Pink above, in recovery after her GB surgery, feeling no pain. PLUS my surgeon is hot!! He looks like Michael Rivkin from NCIS - remember him? Ziva's boyfriend that Tony killed?

Yep, my surgeon looks like this...

Mom and Pop's are here to take care of me and the dogs. (The kid doesn't get vacation and I didn't want her missing any pay) Then my bother,sister in law and niece will be at my mom and pop's place down the street and 2 of my favorite girls here at my place for the weekend. 

I'll be out of work for 15 days, with vicodin for the pain... (I could use the vicodin for the pain of work LOL)...I got this.

So I will keep myself busy, write a bit and play a game. Then before I know it off to the hospital I go. 

Still a little sleep would have been nice tonight...

...and so I write.

No complaining+10 days= a happier me

This is what I am doing starting today and for the next ten days...So click on the FB link and sign up to join me...your positive mind will thank you!

 http://www.facebook.com/events/277566172351408/

Live Complaint Free 10 day challenge

By Indigo Martini and Christine Baitson

Can you make it ten days without complaining and whining? Let's all give it our best effort and see what we can accomplish. It will be a wonderful exercise in gratitude. 


A few people have asked me to differentiate between observing negative phenomenon and complaining, or to distinguish between asking advise versus complaining. To this I will simply say that this event is a personal journey, so define it as you see fit for yourself.


Peace!

========================================

EDIT: 
As we go into our Complaint-Free Ten Day Challenge, try to recognise the thought patterns and activities that you are engaging in. If nothing else, this challenge will help you wake up to what you are actually like. In the end, this is as significant or pointless as you deem.


A few ideas:


Define your personal goal with this. Not to guilt-trip yourself later, but so you are clear about what you would like to accomplish in this exercise. There are no wrong answers here.


Have a coping strategy. You are still going to have times where you are stressed, frustrated, and overwhelmed. What are you going to do instead? Reframe? Pray or chant? Paint? Listen to music? Try to find something that will help you in the long run.


Try to be accepting of others. Their experience is not your own. Note it in your mind, if the issue is so persistent, and let it go.


Take it easy on yourself. As with a diet, messing up here and again is completely normal. Hop right back on, don’t write the entire day (or whole challenge) off just because you did a little backslide. We do not have to be the most rigid on this – we are the ones choosing how “deeply” to get involved.


Give yourself a time-out or break. Consider giving yourself a “Complaint Ticket” during this exercise. (This is a free pass to do five minutes of complaining. When you feel ready to complain, ask yourself if you want to use the ticket on this incident. Chances are, you’ll want to leave it for another time.) We are quitting this cold turkey, it won’t always be easy!


If you can’t make it through the entire experience, that is okay too. We are just trying something out. I know I am going to struggle with it at times. It is a million times better to try and fail than never even attempt it to begin with! There is no need to add guilt into the mix.


Feel free to share your experiences with the board throughout the journey. Good and bad, it will be interesting to know what others faced. I look forward to reading them!


I wish you a very peaceful and revealing time.


Fondly,
Indigo

I am anxious to see what my go to solution is when I want to complain. 


But I am ready to rock 'n roll with the positivity my peeps! Can I get a what what!????