Oh Yay, it's Valentine's Day...UGH!

yeah this pretty much sums it up

So joy oh joy it's Valentines day. Isn't that special! (they really do need to come up with a sarcasm font) In all my 47 years i don't think I've ever really had a good one. When I was married, my husband wasn't a big romantic so we treated it like any other day. Well he did anyway. Since the divorce, I usually was single or dating someone (like last year) who really couldn't give two shits about celebrating with me. Tho if i remember correctly, I believe he told me he bought something for his soon to be ex-wife... yeah nice guy right? Guess that's why he decided to forget the divorce and stay married.

I do remember  1 very nice dinner with an ex-boyfriend that I was still friends with... I love a long dinner. Drinks before then good food, good conversation... some more drinks after. Great restaurant... So there was one nice Valentines day LOL. 

I know I sound bitter and I shouldn't but really, if you're gonna be bitter, what better day to be it. (wow say that sentence 5 times fast haha) I usually keep that bitter side of myself in the dusty corner but when you are single and consistently force fed everything love for weeks and then have to go thru the day while everyone celebrates it ... well it's kinda sucky.

The positive side of me that usually wins is telling me to celebrate Love in every form today. Loving myself, celebrating myself , is a healthier way to look at this day.

“You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”~anon

I mean really, it's what I write about, it's what I counsel others to do thru my words...

Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen.~Stacey Gates Charter

Again, I guess, that is the contradiction that is me. I strive every day to love myself.  I know that I will not find someone else to love me, unless I truly love myself first .  Believe me, I like the hearts and flowers and pinks and reds of the day... but it's easier to say Valentines day Sucks, then it is to say, I am alone and lonely... again.

So allow me, dear readers, my one day of bitter and I promise on the remaining 364 days of the year I will aspire to love myself positively and spread the word  of  healthy self love and respect.  

I do send you all love and flowers this day and hope that you are spending it in a way that makes your heart happy.

I leave you with something I wrote a while ago... that may further explain the ying and the yang of love. The desire to be loved, but the fear of it as well.

Happy Day!

Everyday we are locked

in a constant battle for our hearts.

We build wall after wall,

like protective armor,

that we hope will keep us safe.

But then spend all of our time

looking for someone who can

break down all the barriers

and set us free.

That ever elusive freedom...

that possession of our hearts.

It's our deepest desire

and yet also our most soul wrenching fear. ~Stacey Gates Charter