So I still find myself in the middle of the tornado, but the chances of getting sucked into the vortex are less and less each day. As my positivity returns, under circumstances that really should be all negative, I find my inner strength pushing thru. That's really what it's all about tho isn't it? I am a firm believer in the adage that God never gives us more then we can handle. And while we may be tested, He makes sure we always pass with flying colors.
In the midst of the shitstorm that is life right now, my daughter has lost her job and is now seeking help from crime victims center. The job loss was a necessary evil as she was not performing up to par and would have ended up hurting herself machining. I hurt for my friend who had to fire her but it was inevitable. And she was kept on much longer because of his caring then she probably should have been. For that, I thank him and send him copious amounts of love and respect. I mean that D!!
Her apartment was broken into and what little remained that we needed to get was stolen... a tv that didn't work and 2 working air conditioners. I can only hope that those that did this needed those items more then we did. I can only hope they tripped on the way down the stairs with them too, but that wouldn't be nice now would it. I am getting there but hey... I am still human.
I find myself surrounded by friends and family who offer to help and I say yes for the first time in my life. Instead of bucking up and pretending I don't need them I embrace whatever they offer. A free beer, things for Kelly, companionship, laughter and love. Every thought, every action, every hug, helps rebuild my soul and give me a shot of pure positivity.
I also prepare for a joyous occasion, the wedding of two of my favorite people Alex and Jimmy. Something I have looked forward to for so long. I am doing the wedding flowers as well for them and I can't wait to get my hands dirty and design again. The freedom of expression and the ability to make these bouquets for them is so exciting to me. Then there is the time I will get to spend with my friend who is coming to the rehearsal dinner and wedding with me. One of my besties who has been such a calming force in all of this turmoil that a prime rib dinner and free drinks 2 nights in a row doesn't even seem to touch on what i owe him. But then as my friend he feels I owe him nothing... which is why he is so fantastic.
Little by little I see my daughter growing and changing before my eyes. I see her angry and hurt but also loved and taken care of by those who surround her. I see my girl coming back to who she used to be... but it will be a long uphill battle. I thank God she has the strength to do it.
My writing has suffered, as it's difficult to write about positivity now, but this too shall pass.The color is coming back, slowly but surely, into my rainbow of life. la vita è bella - Life is beautiful! Well it's getting there at least.
Some people know, most people don't that I started writing after my divorce. Odds and ends, stories of struggles and battles won that ended with laughter and sometimes tears. My legacy if you will, to my (at the time) teenage daughter. A way to show her how I forged, limped and rolled thru life with what I hoped was grace and strength and humor. After my a computer crash last year (can we call it a death ... cause that's what it felt like) i was scrambling to find all the bits and pieces that i had put down. I was lucky to find some of my stuff on websites and blogs on line - the rest on floppy's and cd's and notebooks. So i begin again to put it together (using a back up disc thank you very much) and as I go thru it I come across things I forgot I had written. This is one of those things. I hope you enjoy it and i hope it strikes a chord in you. BTW those are my girls in the pic, Kelly by blood, colleen and crystal by heart. I am a lucky mom!
Advice to my daughter(s)…
" Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't expect someone to read your mind,and don't play games with heads or hearts. Don't tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half truths are no better then lies. Don't be cold to someone you care about - indifference hurts more then angry words.
If you are angry - say it! Give the other person the opportunity to explain or make a change for the better. They can't do that unless they know why you're angry. In the same vein - if you care about someone say that too.
When you fall in love - love with your whole heart - and expect the same in return. Realize you deserve that - more than anything. Don't expect to change someone to make them love you - it won't work and love after all is completely out of your hands.
Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different."
--- Copyright © 2000 Stacey Charter
