Wednesday, January 19, 2011

kinda in a mood

Sooo time to write the blog - but not in a mood to do it. The money issues and the no job issues weighing me down. i don't let the negative come out too often but today it seems to be rearing it's ugly head. Funny thing is , I know if I had as little as $150.00 in the bank I could bounce out of this. Whoever said money can't buy happiness was never poor. And while it may not be able to buy happiness, it sure as hell makes it easier to feel it. 

Anyway, I found an old journal from high school with poems and quotes in it. So I figured I would put an old poem I wrote here for the blog today. It's sappy and girly and I was 17 when I wrote it. But I remember it like it was yesterday. June 24th, 1981 ahhhh the thoughts of a teenager in love. It was right after graduation and senior week and my boyfriend at the time, Steve Fuchs, (yes... FUCHS pronounced with a long U ... lol) had just left my house to go home to his 10 minutes away, in Malvern.  

Thursday Morning 4:30am
You're gone again.
But that's okay because I know it's not an ending,
just a continuing phase.
It doesn't make it any easier!
I never watch you leave
It's too hard.
I feel as if you're never coming back.
That's dumb I know,
But tell my heart that.
I often wonder if you feel the same.
When you leave my arms,
do you miss me as much as I miss you?
Maybe not...
It's always said that you're loved more then I.
But you're trying I know.
Please don't force your love.
I understand, I think...
We just need time.
I'm not asking you to love me
more then you're able,
and I'm not asking you to pretend.
Please don't.
I'm just asking you to miss me,
as much as I do you.
Maybe someday you'll be able to say you love me,
and really mean it. ~Stacey Gates (Charter)

Oh what I would tell that 17 year old me if I could... 

Funny tho when I read this I could apply it more recently to another boy who used to be in my life. Guess things never really change that much when it comes to matters of the heart. Well at least when it comes to my heart... 
Meh... I used to miss him all the time, but now I only really miss him when I'm sad. Progress my friends!

Fear not my blog readers, this mood shall pass. 


  1. Of course it will pass...but man if that doesn't hit a nerve with me...and probably plenty of other women. How often are we the ones loving...always loving...and not getting what we should in return? Ouch.

    I go through my old journals now and then too and that desperation to be loved is almost painful to read. Wonderful post!

  2. thanks Jewels! and I found it so funny, in a kinda sad way, that I could have written this yesterday ... instead of 30 years ago. You are so right!!