It's all my fault...Really!

So, my birds did not win today.Eagles 26, Da Bears 31. So it wasn't a total blow out and we rallied in the 4th quarter like we always used to do in the old days. But Vick threw an interception and fumbled 4 times. On top of that, friggin DeSean Jackson was playing like Betty White trying not to break her 83 yr old hips. WTF?? Seriously, I like Jackson but if he's going to play like he's afraid to get hit then get the hell off the field. 


It's okay tho, I mean I am not your typical Philly sports fan. I am not trashing the team and talking about how they suck and lamenting my poor damaged soul because I bleed green. What I am doing, is taking full responsibility for the loss. Yep you heard me...um read me right. I accept responsibility for todays loss, It is all my fault. (btw - write this day down on your calendar, I don't admit total fault often... I am a woman after all)


So how is this loss today my fault you ask? well I'll tell ya... I let my team down today. It was busy from my wake up on. Shopping with my mom and the kid. Then my first mistake... it's 1pm and we're headed for Applebees for lunch and my mom says "Do you want me to drop you off at home so you can watch the game ?"  I tell her no worries, it's a 4:15 game because the Eagles got bank right now - ads for our games are at a $$$ premium and everyone wants to watch Vick. Then I say..."Even if it was at one, I'd be ok eating lunch and missing the first half." DUN DUN DUUUUH. 


Jinx #1 - Me miss a game? What the hell was I thinking. And i said it out loud. 


Then I get home and it's cleaning and decorating and tree trimming time. BUT first i have to run out and pick up my Eagles nameplates from the boss man. Gotta do some sewing (which i should be doing right now but why work when I can procrastinate...) And because of that trip into town, I miss the kick-off.


 Jinx #2. I never... EVER! EVER miss a kick off. If I am out for the game I must have a miller lite in my hand. At home I must be on the couch to watch it. 


And when I got home, 3 minutes after kick-off I couldn't find the damn tv remote. So i spent another 3 minutes looking for that. then Finally - game on , ass on couch, let's play some football. Half-way thru the first quarter already - or at least it felt like it.


Beginning of the second quarter, I got things I have to do, so I start doing them as I watch the game...yeah, that would be


Jinx #3. I don't DO THINGS during a football game. I sit, and watch. Every second. Even if I am at the bar. I may go outside for a cigarette but I watch thru the windows.


Oh sweet Jebus... we are in trouble now. But wait... there's more. 7 minutes into the 3rd quarter I realize I AM NOT WEARING MY GAME JERSEY!! NO. JERSEY. ON.  Holy shit!! I had an Eagles shirt on but thats NOT a jersey.

Jinx#4. No JERSEY???? I always wear my jersey. even at home. I know...I am hanging my head in shame!


So again I say, I was wearing an Eagles shirt but a long sleeved tee IS NOT A JERSEY!!! and wait what the hell... where are my Eagles earrings...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Jinx #5. I always wear my Eagles helmet earrings. Shit, shit shit I can only find one.

How can I put them on so the helmets face away from my face (we were playing away... if we are home they face in, towards my face - makes sense right? Whatever...shut up) So now, knowing how badly I have screwed up for my team, it's half way thru the 4th and the kid says  "We are getting beat and it's time to decorate the tree. Can't we just put on Christmas music?" and I say...


Oh God the shame... I say..."OKAY!" 

~That is not football on that tv!

Jinx #6. I say OKAY?? I never stop watching a game. Ever. Even if I am at the stadium I stay until the final second ticks off. 


And as for the kid... well that 'stop watching when we are losing' attitude doesn't come from me. i blame her father!

Then finally, I realize that I haven't changed my facebook profile picture, OR mentioned the game in my status update. I mean COME ON... 

we might as well just not even played today because

Jinx #7. I always put up my 69 jersey profile pic and say something profound and moving like"Go Birds" or "E...A...G...L...E...S... EAGLES!"  Earth shattering stuff my words are... and now you know why I want to be a writer.

Look at that, 7 Jinxes, 7... just like Vick's number...7. Coincidence?? I think not my friend. I think not.

Sooooo there you have it. The Eagles lost today, and because of my selfish Christmas spirit, and total lack of Fan-ship, I jinxed it all and caused the loss. Really, I did. So It's all my fault. I promise to not let this happen again. I've sent the team my apologies and now I apologize here, on my blog, on the inter-webs, for all to see.


But, my tree is friggin awesome!! 

Thoughts on waking up broken...& dancing alone

"And she finally stopped playing their song, when she realized she was dancing alone."


Wow this quote kind of says it all for me today. I find as I go thru my daily life that less and less time is spent thinking of the man I spent so many months with in the past year. That is a good thing, right? But then there are days, like today, where every time I close my eyes, all I see is his face. Why does this happen? It's like having a broken leg that spontaneously heals itself and every morning you hop out of bed pain free. Until that random day, when you hop out of bed & you end up on your ass in pain, because for whatever reason - you are broken...again.


Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being single, Seriously I do. I enjoy having the remote to myself, keeping hours I want to keep. I enjoy not having to answer to anyone about where I am or who I am with. Not that I ever really had to answer to John, he never really cared what I was doing or who I was doing it with. There was not a jealous bone in his body, at least when it came to me... which I guess should have been my first clue right? But you get what I am saying. 


I still find tho, with all I have going on in my life, that at the end of the day I miss telling him about it. No matter how much good natured bullshit we would give each other, when push came to shove, I knew that he was in my corner, as I was always in his. I could call him and talk about anything and know that by the time we hung up I would have been laughing and feeling better, no matter the situation. I miss the friendship we developed, and I feel the hurt of betrayal more for that loss then the loss of a bed partner. 


I pride myself on my ability to maintain friendships with my ex's. My ex-husband and I still see each other at my families gatherings and can finally joke around about "when we were married". Others, I see out and about, share a beer with, call when I am in trouble, and generally consider them friends in my life. 

Which brings me back to the quote that started this post - "And she finally stopped playing their song, when she realized she was dancing alone."  Do I think John is missing me? Thinking about me? Feeling the pain of the loss of me in his life? No. I actually think i barely cross his highly compartmentalized mind. 


No... on this I dance alone, as I often did thru-out our relationship. As I have often done thru-out my life. 


To quote writer Doug Manning (Copyright © 2010 Doug Manning. All rights reserved.) "  We can't change the past.  The healing path is found by backing up, taking a more objective perspective, and letting go of that which we can no longer change.  Lighten up.  Laugh.  Let go.  Create some distance between yourself and whatever is making you so serious.  The healing path begins when we head the opposite direction from where our emotions would like us to go.  Throughout life... we are wise to "make time to dance alone with one hand waving free." 


And so I dance...