around and around...

UGH! Can you belive the Phillies LOST??  It sucks because now I have to wait until Spring for more Phillies ball. And do not even get me started on the Eagles. Oh well there's always the Flyers. such is the life of a Philly sports fan. You win some... you lose a lot. LOL


Still in limbo here in slower lower, as I wait for the PA DMV to copy and mail me my PA drivers license. I can't start working at the one job I got at Cracker Barrel, until I have that license in my hand. Once I get the license I have to go to social security and get my replacement card as well. But that will only take an hour or so. So I float - with no money coming in and a feeling of nervousness at my situation. Spinning around and around in that catch-22 circle. I hope the person who stole my purse is still enjoying it. Because I sure as hell am still cleaning up the mess they made.


(For those of you too young or not from the US who may question what a "Catch-22" situation is or what Catch -22 means:A Catch-22, coined by Joseph Heller in his novel Catch-22, is a logical paradox arising from a situation in which an individual needs something that can only be acquired by not being in that very situation; therefore, the acquisition of this thing becomes logically impossible. A real life example of this - much easier to understand would be -A man tries to get a job with a company, but they won't hire him because he has no work experience in that field. He cannot gain work experience because he cannot get a job in that field without experience. ~copied from Wikipedia - Catch-22)


It amaze me how one act can have such a ripple affect on so much of my life. And instead of utilizing my time off, I sit around and do nothing - or surf the web for other jobs. I have so much to get done in my house that I should be doing but haven't gotten off my ass to do them yet.  Which in turn makes me feel more useless and annoyed. another Catch-22 if you will... but one I can solve by getting over myself and becoming productive. I swear PROCRASTINATION should have been my middle name. Why put it off for tomorrow that which you can do the next day...LOL or something to that effect.


 I know that part of this is the PTSD rearing it's ugly head. Part of it's stress from the money situation and pure laziness as well. But really, what good is it doing me to dwell? To use this as an excuse to simply exist instead of live and thrive?


Here is my positive, moving forward affirmation and to do list for today-


Only I can control my actions and only I can change them. I refuse to stress about things that I have no control over - the license, the job, the money.... Instead I will only concentrate on that which I can accomplish. By doing that, I will then be able embrace the positive feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.  


So here is my promise to myself for today. I feel if I put it on the blog, I will be held more accountable for it. Tonight before I go to bed I will let you know what I have actually done. Even more accountability...


Today I have decided to work myself ragged. When I fall into bed tonight I will be exhausted from the sheer volume of everything I have accomplished today.

•  I will clean my house today, including scrubbing the floors and getting into those corners and under the furniture.(this is really something is should do 2x a week because of the dog hair and I haven't done it since last week) 
•  I will finish painting the hallway today and then paint the cabinets and around the light fixture in the bathroom. All of which will be the same bleach linen color so it will be logical transition from one to the other. 
• When that's complete, I will head out to the screened in porch and vacuum it before it rains, so I can enjoy it more when the weather is cool.(ugh - cobwebs and spiders abound... this will be a tough one to accomplish)
•  I will eat a decent meal today - not a can of tuna or a handful of crackers. (yes - even tho I may be overweight, I do not eat enough. Sounds silly I know but when I am stressed I don't eat. )
• I will call the DMV in Harrisburg and see what is going on with my license replacement.
• I will call Cracker Barrel and explain to then that once again I will not be able to start the job because my license has not arrived yet (this one is the hardest on the list for me to complete...makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it)

So there is my list. This is how I have learned (God bless you life coach Andrea Owen) to stop listening to those negative gremlins in my mind and get my head out of my own butt and get things done. Okay peeps - it's time to kick ass! Wish me luck!